It's a new year, but I have not changed..

It's a new year....

I have decided not to make any New Year resolutions this year. I never focus on them so what is the point?! My past resolutions have been all the same, loose weight, become more organized, spend more time with friends..blah blah blah... I have decided to loose weight, however it wasn't a thing for the New Year; I didn't join the gym on January 1st, instead I joined on December 14th. I have been really trying to make it to the gym but the holidays have kind of made it difficult. But now, there is no more excuses. I mean I even went today, after been struck with a hint of the stomach flu this morning. I did however cut the workout about 10 minutes short today, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes on the bike, and 30 minutes on the treadmill. The past few times I've gone, I've been working out for 1 hour and 30 minutes. I want to keep that up, it was just today I wasn't feeling so hot. I should be able to work out every day this week, my work schedule is minimal and school doesn't start until next week.


...but I have not changed.

I was hoping I'd be able to spill out my thoughts in this blog, but that has not been possible for me to do. I always have so much going through my mind, especially today. I wish I was able to put it out there for everyone to read, but that is not easy for me to do. I can't just open up and let everyone know what is in my head. It seems as though every time I do let someone inside my head, I make a fool of myself and it is usually a bad outcome. I like to say things without actually saying them....

As of right now, the basic way to describe my thoughts is to say I loathe uncertainty and the fact that it exists in every aspect of my life. Call me a control freak but I like to know, everything. When uncertainty exists, my mind wanders. I go through the million (or two or three) possible outcomes. It wears me out, but I can not help it. I would not mind to wake up tomorrow and know ever single detail of the rest of my life. I know it would take the surprise and anticipation out of it, but I do not care. At least I would know, without any uncertainty, what was going to happen.